My Christian life consisted of loving the Lord, going to church, prayer, and bible study. The more I read the word, and prayed the word, the more I saw the need for transformation in my life. However, even with revelation, I was still far away from true transparency, the revelation was merely the threshold to understanding the depth of my need for the Lord and His hand in my life to bring me into total and complete deliverance and wholeness in Him, both, spirit, soul, and body.
My spiritual life grew and became one of worship, deep intimate worship. I experienced worship and communion with the Lord in such dimensions that my passion for Him and His presence with me became my central desire. Some would say, WOW!! You are there!! Well No I wasn't there. You see all the worship and prayer, and studying of the word was watering and softening a heart that had been hardened due to circumstances and sin that had been deeply rooted in the depths of my soul. All of which had been laying dormant under the disguise of healed and okay. Yet, there would be periods of time in which I wouldn't know who I was and would cry out for change. But had I come to the place in my spiritual walk to be really ready and willing to be changed? The answer is No, not yet. I found that regardless of what I attempted to do in the natural (fasting, praying, decreeing, declaring, etc.), there would still remain pockets within my life that still wouldn't submit to the Lordship of Jesus. It was only through the Holy Spirit's guiding that I came to understand that my life was one of cloaking. What you saw on the exterior was just a glimpse of who I truly was. I revealed a portion of myself to only a select few, and even then, it was never in its entirety. You may be asking Why not? It took some time but I had finally come to the place of transparency with myself, and that was I didn't know who I truly was because I had cloaked myself in so many layers that even when something would occur in my life and I attempted to respond I would ask myself and the Lord is that from me or my protective mechanisms. You see the only person who truly knew who I was, was the Lord and Him alone. I needed to know who I was or I could not be who He had called me to be. He revealed to me the many unresolved issues in my life that stirred the cloaking devices. Cloaking had become a way of life for me. I cloaked to cover pain, one layer. I cloaked to cover rejection, another layer. I cloaked to cover fear, and with every inadequacy came another layer, and the bows that tied them all together were what I call the Self-Syndrome. The Syndrome consists of self-righteousness, self-exaltation, self-justification, self-willed. These cloaks and bows as I call them hindered me in relationships. I had come to believe that if I permitted anyone near me they would hurt me, leave me, or abuse me. So, the tighter the cloaks and bows would get, the more I would find myself on the inside crying out to the Lord, HELP ME!! Even though on the outside all appeared fine. What I love and am most grateful for is the Lord not looking at the exterior of man as man does, but he looked at my innermost being and heard my cries (1 Samuel 16:7). And on September 4, 2003 at 1:45am, the Lord asked me a two-fold question. "Are You Ready? Are You Willing?" He proceeded to tell me why I had to weigh the questions before answering. He said, "You are about to embark on a journey of no return; where I'm taking you, you will not want to come back to this place. The Lord then again asked me "Are you Ready? Are You Willing? My response to His two-fold question came from the depth of my soul buried beneath debris and in the dark places of my soul, the place where I hid myself from everyone and everything. It was from that part of my being that the Lord was requiring me to answer Him from. The answer that He knew would come from me for He had predestined me to walk this way with Him, and from that place came my cry to My Father of YES!, YES! Father!, YES FATHER!!. I told the Father, I don't know what this will involve or require from me, but YES, I'm ready Father. I don't know the cost, but I still say YES for I can't live my life like this anymore. YES!, I'm Willing!, YES!, I'm Willing! I Trust You , YES! You see when the Lord has predestined you to walk as a peculiar person on this earth; He places within you a tenderness that only He can see at first. He also places within your heart a softness to his touch and a hunger to be with Him; no matter how many times in the natural we miss the mark. It is within that secret place within our hearts that he knows he can always reach us from. As I answered from that secret place within my being, He in turn responded to my answer with two words "THEN COME". I took my first step on the Journey To Be. In obedience to His response, I took a step forward in the natural as a symbol of my stepping forward in the Spirit, and as I did that The Lord spoke these words: "Know this day that you are changed, changed to be, changed with a confident resolve in me. Changed to walk your life out in Me. Changed to have a new desire, a new mind, and a hatred of evil in every form. Changed to Be, Changed, Changed, Changed, Changed, Changed, Changed, Changed. You can't do this I Will, I AM IS HERE!!!
AND SO BEGAN THE WALK ON
THE JOURNEY TO BE IN HIS PURPOSE................
It is my prayer that as you have read these words from My Journey To Be that you will answer the call of the Spirit to be where He is all the days of your life. For only in the answer to the call will you come to understand your call.
So the Spirit of God is calling will You answer